Shit, Have Some Sadstuck
by notebookthief
Summary: Cronus can't watch another one of his loves' die. Not again. And if he has to, he certainly won't let him die alone. (Response fic to Carry On by tumblr user kankrioh)


Sometimes, you can't stand to look at him. He annoys you so much, he's so annoying, so fucking annoying, and you just can't deal with his shit.  
Other times, you don't know how you look away.  
This is one of those times.  
Kankri died a few years back. It shook you, his death; you had been redroming with him, and when he died, you didn't know how you'd live. And Mituna - dear Mituna, of all trolls - felt sorry for you. For your stupid, scumbag pity of a troll.  
It made you sick.  
You had been hateflirting with him, but he reached out to you after Kan's death. You had felt so lost - at first, you rejected him: you'd go into furies whenever he tried to help. It almost brought a full-on blackrom relationship between the two of you. Over time, though, you accepted him, little by little. You became more friendly, closer, and your hate for each other lessened and lessened. He brought you out of your shell and helped you recover.  
After a while, you got a little closer. Latula yelled at you once - said something about you stealing her boyfriend away from her - but Kurloz never confronted you (thank gog). But still, you grew closer.  
And closer.  
And closer still.  
Eventually, Mituna was trying to juggle both you and Latula in his red quadrant. Somehow, you won. You have no idea how, or why, but you did.  
You moved in together. You supported each other. Occasionally you still had fits of blackrom for each other - when Mituna's "other side" took over. But it wasn't often.  
You grew used to his odd habits and his way of speaking - in fact, you grew to love it. Everything about him (save the "other side") you learned to love and crave.  
You never forgot Kankri, of course. But Mituna helped you not think about him; helped ease you through your pain.  
When the sickness started, you just about killed yourself.  
Because it wasn't like Kankri. Kankri died in the most graceful way he possibly could, and he did so with dignity. But when did Mituna make anything easy?  
It started in the same way. The sudden sickness, the puking, the fever. You did everything you could, never leaving his side. If you ever needed anything, you forced his moirail to get it for you, just in case Mituna died. You would not let him die the same way Kankri did; alone.  
And he didn't. But sometimes, you wish he had.  
Mituna, being the special flower that he was, didn't just die. He went insane; Completely batshit crazy. His psychic powers started getting out of control, to the point where you had to put him in an empty room, and his "other side" came out more and more often. It said awful, awful things to you - how it was your fault, how everyone around you dies, how much he hates you, how you should be in his place, it's your fault, it was always your fault.  
And the worst part was, is that you knew he was right.  
You knew it was your fault. Kankri had to die alone, and it was your fault. And now, now you can't protect Mituna.  
It's your fault.

Mituna lasted fourteen days and three hours after the insanity started. His powers faded, and he grew weaker and weaker with each passing day, each passing hour. It killed you to see it happen.  
But you were there when he died. You stuck by him, through his tirades and streams of hatred and loathing towards you. You couldn't stop crying; And near the end of it, when you could tell he was so close, so close to death, you sang him a song - a song you had written months ago and had never shown him, even though it had been for him, about him.  
You sang him a love song.  
And still, still, he swore at you, screamed at you, told you that you should be the one dying, it's your fault, that you took him away from the one he really loved. And you sang through your tears and your heartbreak.  
His shouts and protests got weaker every second. And finally, on his last bated breath, he whispered to you that he was sorry, that he loved you, that he was so, so sorry,  
He died strapped down to a bed; not in your arms, like you would have wanted, but tied down, like he was some sort of animal.  
That night, you made your way to Latula's hive - how, you don't think you'll ever know - and hung yourself in her tree.


End file.
